reveries and passions

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2011-06-14T14:06:00.001-07:00

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2011-06-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

Tunay na Malaya

2011-06-12T04:29:00.001-07:00

Ika-12 nanaman ng Hunyo. Araw ng Kalayaan ang bansag dito bilang paggunita sa makasaysayang pagkamit ng Pilipinas ng kanyang pagsasarili.

Problema, malaya nga ba talaga tayong maituturing ngayon?

Sa pagtaas at pagwagayway ng ating bandila, pagkanta ng pambansang awit, at araw-araw na pamumuhay rito sa ating bansa, ano nga ba ang nadarama mo? Wala. Wala lang. Sige, mag-flag raising ceremony lang tayo. Sige, ilalagay ko ang kanang kamay sa dibdib, tatayo ako ng tuwid, at kakanta. Ay, hindi ko nga pala alam ang lyrics. Sige, watermelon-watermelon na lang. Oo nga. Pilipino nga ako. Ang ibig sabihin lang naman, nasama ako sa mga minalas na maipanganak dito sa pabagsak na bansang ito eh. Makapag-abroad na nga.

Katunayan, nagiging Pilipino lang tayo kung nanalo si Manny Pacquiao sa bakbakan, kung kumanta at binigyan ng standing ovation si Charice, kung rumampa sa catwalk si Danica Flores. Sa mga pagkakataong may mga 'kababayan' tayong umaasenso sa ibang bansa, t'saka natin naiisip na ang galing pala ng mga Pinoy, na maipagmamalaki pala ang maging Pinoy.

Ganoon na lamang kasi kalaki ang ating pagtingin sa ibang bansa. Labis tayong nabubulag sa hiwaga ng mga imported. Gawa sa Amerika? Galing sa Europa? OK 'yan! Maganda 'yan! Gawa sa Marikina? Galing sa Visayas? Ay... 'Wag yan. Local lang 'yan.

Oo nga. Nabigyan na nga tayo ng kalayaan at pagsasarili, pero hanggang ngayon tayo mismo ang nagpapaalipin at umaasa sa ibang bansa. Kolonya pa rin tayo sa isang banda. Hindi makagalaw nang hindi tumitingin sa iba. Hindi makapagdesisyon para sa sarili. Kawawang Pilipinas.

Namulat sina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Emilio Jacinto, at ang iba pang mga taong itinuturing nating ngayon na bayani sa dapat nilang gawin para sa ating bansa. At nang mapagtanto na ang tatahaking landas, agad-agad silang kumilos. Ipagpaliban muna ang pag-iisip para sa sarili. Bayan muna.

Eh, ngayon? Saan na nga ba napunta ang dakilang ginawa ng mga bayani? Heto tayo't naghihirap pa rin! At wala na nga ang mga Kastila, mga Amerikano, at mga Hapon na pilit sumakop sa atin, sunod pa rin tayo sa kanila at nagpapaalipin pa rin!

Nagawa na nilang magsakripisyo para sa kapakanan natin noon. Ang kabayarang maiaalay natin ngayon ay ang gamitin ang kaloob na pagsasarili tungo sa tunay na kalayaan. Tumayo sa sariling mga paa. Huwag umasa sa iba. Mahalin ang iyong bayan.

Hindi ako kailanman mawawalan ng pag-asa sa iyo, Pilipinas. Sa patuloy na pag-ikot ng mundo, alam kong darating din ang araw na makakamtan mong maging tunay na malaya.

Maligayang Araw ng Kalayaan!

Tunay na Malaya

2011-06-12T04:29:00.000-07:00

Buhay Estudyante

2011-06-11T10:23:00.001-07:00

Mensahe: Ang tula na ito ay naisulat noong Marso 8, 2011 sa isang klase namin sa Soc Sci I (oo, nakakatawang nagawa ko pang maisulat ito habang may klase, samantalang tungkol ito sa...)

Mga mata’y mabigat, ngunit huwag pumikit.

Huwag pansinin ang ulong masakit.

Umupo ng tuwid at tumingin sa harap.

Mamaya, pagkatapos, ka na magpakasarap.

Piliting makinig, piliting makaintindi.

Bagamat malabo ang lahat ng sinasabi.

Kumuha ng kwaderno at subukang magsulat.

O ‘di kaya’y kopyahin na lang ang lahat.

Humanap ng bagay na maaaring gawin

Upang magmukhang-OK sa kanyang paningin.

Kaunting tango, kunwari may naintindihan,

Kunwari pumapasok ang pinakikinggan.

Mahirap tiisin ang tiyan na kumakalam

Gutom ka na nga, wala pang kaalam-alam

Pitaka, tiyan, utak – walang laman,

‘Di na rin alam ang tatahaking daan.

Buhay estudyante, tiisin kahit mahirap talaga,

Dahil sa huli’y makikita kanyang tunay na halaga.

Mabuhay ka, Iskolar. Mabuhay ka.

O s’ya... Dali na’t humarap sa pisara.

Buhay Estudyante

2011-06-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

Muling Pagkikita

2011-06-11T10:15:00.001-07:00

Mensahe: Ang tula na ito ay isinulat noong Nobyembre 18 ng nakaraang taon at kasama sa sanctuary Vol. 7 (Angeli Dumatol's Journal)

Ilang buwan na ba ang nakalipas?

O nakaraan na ba ang isang taon?

Sa patuloy na pagtakbo ng mga araw,

Kailan ba tayo magkikita muli?

Mga tanong na walang humpay ang pag-ikot sa isipan,

Nawa’y mabigyan na ng mga kasagutan.

Marahil ay kaya pa nating magtiis.

Patawad. Hindi lamang ikaw ang nahihirapan.

Maging ako ay may sakit na nararamdaman,

Puno ng kalungkutan, buhat ng pag-iisa.

Kailangang maghintay. Kailangang unawain.

Darating din ang oras para sa atin.

Walang nangyayari na hindi nakatakda.

Itong mga nararanasan, mayroong kahulugan.

Pagtitiwala ang aking ibibigay,

Pagmamahal ang aking ilalaan.

Sapagkat sa ating muling pagkikita,

Ako lubusang umaasa,

At buong pusong naniniwala.

Muling Pagkikita

2011-06-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

No Such Thing as Overprotection

2011-06-05T06:22:00.001-07:00

Note: This is again taken from 'sanctuary' - a collection of thoughts, views and rants – my best journal entries.

“No Such Thing as Overprotection”

“Doc, bakit po ba hatid-sundo n’yo pa rin si Angeli? Eh, dalaga na po yun!”

“Bakit ba? Marunong ka pa sa akin! Eh, baby ko ‘un eh!”

“’Wag na lang, anak. Malayo ‘un.”

“Masyadong gabi, Angeli. Hindi ka pwede pumunta.”

“Walang maghahatid sa’yo at hindi ka rin pwede mag-commute. Next time na lang…”

All throughout my high school life, my parents have always been like that. I’ve never really given it much thought though. For me, the moment they say it’s not going to happen, it’s really not going to happen. What they say stands. I can’t do anything else about it. My parents were simply overprotective.

Several classmates of mine began to ask questions. “Sinubukan mo na bang tumakas, Dumatol?” “Dums, hindi ka pa ba nag-rebelde? Hahaha!” “Hindi mo pa ba na-try magsinungaling, Dums?” My answers remained the same. It was always either a ‘NO’ or a ‘HINDI AH’. It became clear to my classmates (as well as to myself) that my parents were (forget about just plain old strict) overprotective.

There was no point denying it. Yeah, my parents are overprotective. Forget about asking for permission. They’d answer with an inevitable ‘NO’ anyway.

So yeah, I missed out on a lot. I couldn’t relate with a lot of things my classmates were talking about. I didn’t even understand what they were talking about, for crying out loud. People were practically labeling me as ‘socially ignorant’, whatever that means.

However, there came a time when I started to question my parents’ overprotection. I guess my classmates’ statements slowly got to me. I began thinking, Oo nga noh. Bakit nga ba lagi na lang akong hindi pinapayagan? Wala naman akong nagawang masama, at mas lalong wala naman akong gagawing masama! Bakit lagi na lang ‘NO’?

It was then that it hit me. Because I was so fixed on the idea that they were simply saying ‘NO’ to me, I failed to listen to the other half of my parents’ statements.

“’Wag na lang, anak. Malayo ‘un. Delikado na.”

“Masyadong gabi, Angeli. Hindi ka pwede pumunta. Baka ma-paano ka lang…”

“Walang maghahatid sa’yo at hindi ka rin pwede mag-commute. Nakakatakot na ngayon. Mahirap na, anak…Next time na lang…”

There was always a reason for every ‘NO’ my parents gave me, and that reason was LOVE. They love me too much and because of that, they wouldn’t dare risk my safety at the expense of giving me permission to do this and do that. They weren’t saying ‘NO’ just because they wanted to. They were saying ‘NO’ for my own benefit. In the end, ako pa rin ang iniisip nila sa pagtanggi…

There is no such thing as overprotection.

There is simply much love and concern.

No Such Thing as Overprotection

2011-06-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

Wanting to See You

2011-06-04T04:55:00.001-07:00

Note: This short piece was written a while back, when I was feeling mightily lonely. It is taken from 'sanctuary', a collection of thoughts, views and rants - my best journal entries.

“Wanting to See You”

ayi: sbi daw sa time magazine

ayi: if you dream of a person, that person wants to see you

angeli: weh

ayi: ou, SBI SA TIME MAG =))))))))

angeli: WHAT PROOF DO THEY HAVE?! =))

ayi: ewan ko sa kanila =))))))))

angeli: :-> EH DI DAPAT ARAW-ARAW NA NIYA AKONG NAKIKITA SA PANAGINIP NYA

Every beginning comes with an ending. In life, things come and go. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is permanent. Sad to say, but it’s a given fact. Remember the 7 Environmental Principles they taught back in our elementary days? The 4^th one states it quite frankly: Everything changes.

In the midst of all the changes that come in your life, there will inevitably come a time when you will take time to look back. This moment of reminisce will probably leave you in tears. Recalling the ‘good old days” will leave a ton of questions swirling inside your mind. - Why did they have to end? How could things have gone from then to now? Can’t I relive those moments and be happy once again? Can’t I go back in time and return to those days that I so sorely miss?

But then, all those questions will just disappear as you realize that it wasn’t about the places or the moments themselves. The ‘good old days’ aren’t the ones you miss. What – or more appropriately, who – you miss are the people you were with - those who have played an important part in shaping you, in making you grow, in creating the person who you are now.

After that moment of reminisce, you will end up wanting but one thing: to see those people again. You will want to meet with them once more, to prove to yourself that they are real, that they really exist, that they are not just part of your dream world.

The pictures, videos and letters aren’t enough to ease the loneliness that had slowly built up inside you. In fact, they only make it worse. With every picture, video and letter comes a new memory that you recall. And with every new memory recalled comes a greater feeling of apathy within.

Indeed, your only desire is to see them all again.

The memories I have can never satisfy me. I want to see you.

Wanting to See You

2011-06-04T04:55:00.000-07:00

Serenade

2011-06-02T14:56:00.001-07:00

This one is a song featured in a short story I wrote for my friend, Jeselle. The story is entitled Serenade and the song shares the title. Enjoy~ :)

Serenade

I.

Watching from a distance

With such complex emotions

In this helpless trance

Make me face reality

An awkward step, a glance

They are simply not enough

Grant me this one chance

Let’s just face reality

Refrain:

Are you there? Are you listening?

It’s already hard as it is

Let this song convey my heart

And finally set me at ease

Chorus:

Never mind the world

The lies or what they say

What matters is the two of us

Hear my heart speak this way

Nothing will ever change

For I am already yours

You will see with this serenade

That I am already yours

II.

What ever the distance

I will definitely try

Using this, our chance

We will face reality

Refrain:

Are you there? Are you listening?

It’s already hard as it is

Let this song convey my heart

And finally set me at ease

Chorus:

Never mind the world

The lies or what they say

What matters is the two of us

Hear my heart speak this way

Nothing will ever change

For I am already yours

You will see with this serenade

That I am already yours

Bridge:

Time is not ours to waste

I give up my life of recluse

Surely, we’ll be together

You, I never want to lose

Chorus:

Never mind the world

The lies or what they say

What matters is the two of us

Hear my heart speak this way

Nothing will ever change

For I am already yours

You will see with this serenade

That I am already yours
With this serenade,

I’m already yours

Serenade

2011-06-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

This one is a song featured in a short story I wrote for my friend, Jeselle. The story is entitled Serenade and the song shares the title. Enjoy~ :)

A Freshie No More

2011-06-01T14:10:00.001-07:00

The truth hadn't really sunk in, even when Summer Term had ended back in May. What happened earlier was what truly convinced me of the fact that I wasn't a freshie no more. Goodbye LU-I. Hello LU-II.

It's some sort of tradition in UP-College of Medicine for the incoming LU-II batch (second year-INTARMED) to orient the incoming LU-I batch (first year-INTARMED). So, as our buddies from Class 2016 did before us, we, Class 2017, prepared to orient our buddies of Class 2018.

We decided to give a bit of effort in the orientation procedure, for it not to be dull, but instead fun and interesting.

So, after a class lunch and registration, we start the orientation with an icebreaker activity - modified Dr. Kwak-Kwak - a twist (i mean that literally!) to your usual icebreaker! Next up is the ever immortal Getting-to-Know-You part. We followed a simple format for the introductions - Name. Nickname. High School. Relationship Status. Something Interesting, Controversial, and Juicy (FUN FACT). Got a lot of interesting revelations from the 2018 people. Glad to see people willing to share.

An interesting 'moment' occurred after introductions. Will not say anything more about it as it falls under classified INTARMED info. :P

Finally, the most exciting part of the day commenced - the iMed Amazing Race! - We meant for it to be a cross between a campus tour and a buddy selection activity. For some reason, I end up a facilitator. It's a bit complicated, considering we had prepared for it only a few hours prior to actual execution. But somehow, we managed to pull it off! Glad to have met my 2018 buddy. :) He seems like a nice guy.

All in all, it's pretty amazing how I suddenly find myself in front of all these people - freshmen, sharing my experiences as a iMed student. Exactly a year ago, I was the freshman being oriented.

Really amazing how time passes by so quickly. LU-I was a challenging year, true, but thanks to the great friends I found in my iMed2017 classmates, I was able to get by the days with a smile.

So, I wish our iMed2018 buddies good luck! Look forward to an exciting year at UPM. Choosing INTARMED is a decision you won't regret. I can guarantee that. :)

A Freshie No More

2011-06-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

Aegis (sweet dreams)

2011-05-31T05:58:00.001-07:00

Aegis is the song featured in my second novel, sweet dreams. It has yet to be published, but I'm hoping that time would come pretty soon. Anyway, in the novel, Kenneth wrote this song for Hailey, wherein he promises to protect her from everything - in sum, to serve as her aegis, her protection. :)

Aegis

A night that seemed ordinary

But really wasn’t after all…

Simply indescribable,

How I just had to fall…

Refrain:

What was it about you?

What is this I now feel?

I want to protect you.

Oh I can and I will…

And it’s all because…

Chorus:

Shining brighter than stars

you brighten up my day

With every touch that you give

and every word that you say

I’ll do everything I can

You are my inspiration.

Come now and hold on to me

Your aegis, your protection.

It was certainly quite the fight

Maybe I’m worthless after all,

But that nice warm embrace of yours,

makes me stand after every fall.

Refrain

Chorus

Bridge:

These wounds of mine mean nothing

as long as you’re alright.

I’ll protect you from everything.

I’ll gladly stand and fight.

Chorus

Your aegis, your protection.

Aegis (sweet dreams)

2011-05-31T05:58:00.000-07:00

Battle Royale: Fight to the Death

2011-05-31T04:41:00.001-07:00

: Battle Royale UK version cover

So, I've recently finished reading the English adaptation of Koushun Takami's Battle Royale.

It's quite the read. Very violent. Very morbid. But ultimately, very thought-provoking.

The novel is set in a fictional totalitarian country called the Republic of Greater East Asia. The government is ruthless. Martial Law is nothing compared to what these people are doing. Everything - yes, everything - is controlled by the so-called Great Dictator. Censorship is brought to a whole new level - anything considered 'imperialistic' (in other words, everything not Japanese) is banned. While the government is asserting that this is only in support of nationalism, it's an extremely exaggerated case of being a closed country.

At the center of it all is the inhumane government military training experiment called The Program. How it falls under 'military training' is a mystery. Most of the others, however, simply term to it as a 'game'. A ****ed-up game, actually. Through the program, a third year (9th grade) junior high school class is chosen at random. All the members of the chosen class are thrown into an 'arena', supplied with limited rations and a certain weapon, and forced to face each other in a fight to the death. Only one can survive.

It comes as a shock to the 42 students of Third Year, Class B, Shiroiwa Junior High School. Of course, anybody would be shocked by this kind of thing. They all had their minds set on a nice school trip but instead, they were forced into The Program.

Their arena is a fairly small island. Escape wasn't an option as military ships guarded each corner of the island. The students could choose to hide forever but that would lead to death as well. Forbidden zones were designated every three hours in order to force the students to move around. Any one caught in a forbidden zone instantly die, with the tracking collars they were wearing around their necks exploding.

The students all take in their situation in different lights. Several were driven crazy by the pressure, anxiety, and paranoia. Some simply chose to go with the flow and became true players of the game. There were those who chose suicide over getting killed by their classmates, while there were also those who chose to cling to whatever speck of hope there was left.

I can't imagine how it must feel like to be forced to face your classmates in a death match. Trust is the big issue of concern here. In a rational thought, one would believe that not a single one of one's classmates would truly want to kill. They belonged to the same class! It's practically the same as being in the same family. Then again, one would eventually go into thinking, "Just how well do I know these people anyway? Am I really sure they won't kill? Am I really sure they're not selfish enough to think only of their own safety at the expense of the lives of other people?"

I certainly admire the spirit the novel's protagonist, Shuya Nanahara (Male Student No. 15), showed. He was truly persistent in his resolve to escape, to not let the government's madness get to him. Even before getting caught in the game, he had always wanted to be 'free' of the restrictions imposed by the government. His love for rock music certainly made him quite the rebel (rock music was banned on a account of it being from the American imperialists). Furthermore, Shuya's innate kindness showed as he manifested, through both words and actions, the ever essential trust in his classmates. He figured there was a way to beat the game: all they had to do was work together towards a route of escape. Noriko Nakagawa (Female Student No.15) shares Shuya's resolve and vows to help him. The two, however, began to see more of the cruelties the situation has forced upon them when they team up with Shogo Kawada (Male Student No.5). He is spot on when he asks, "Are you prepared to be merciless?". Sometimes, when the circumstances asked for it, one must really be merciless.

: Noriko Nakagawa and Shuya Nanahara as they appear in the manga

Battle Royale has been termed to as an exploitative novel and true enough, it puts into light such an unbelievable premise. Eventually turned into a manga and a movie, both with corresponding sequels, it proves to be quite disturbing with all the gore and violence. But in the midst of it all is a relevant thought: In the face of the unspeakable, we must learn to trust each other. Only by working as a team can we defeat the oppressing forces. Only by persisting and never losing hope can we reach a true shining future.

Battle Royale: Fight to the Death

2011-05-31T04:41:00.000-07:00

: Battle Royale UK version cover

So, I've recently finished reading the English adaptation of Koushun Takami's Battle Royale.

It's quite the read. Very violent. Very morbid. But ultimately, very thought-provoking.

: Noriko Nakagawa and Shuya Nanahara as they appear in the manga

Heaven-Inspired

2011-05-30T15:17:00.001-07:00

Heaven-Inspired is a collection of poems about first love. Some of these have real-life stories behind them. Of course, I won't be mentioning which ones. :)

GLIMPSE
Our first was but a mere glimpse
I noticed your complexity
I was intrigued
You may not have noticed me
Yet it doesn't matter
For that was but the first,
the first moment granted by fate

CHERISH
I know not who you really are
I know only your name
Physical means doesn't matter though
For our paths have already crossed
And indeed...
You forever I will cherish

PENGUIN
We can't be more different
How I hate your eccentricity
Never before have I met such a guy like you
Yet different as we are
We can't be more similar
You and I ~ My Penguin-chan

EMO
Colors of red and black
Perhaps for some, these are but
Colors of pain, hurt and torture
But for us, for me, for you,
They are colors of passion.
Let us ignore the world
And remain entirely emo together. 

FOOLISH
Honestly, you can be quite foolish
Frowning is fine and all,
But it can't be an everyday thing.
Still, foolish as you are,
An annoyance you may sometimes be,
I don't really care
For in my heart, there is but you. 

APATHY
Empty... Simply empty.
People tell me I'm complex
But in truth, I can't be more simple.
There is but one thing I want
Nothing more but that one thing
LOVE - Love to fill my empty heart.
So, why don't you just tell me your name?
Then, maybe I won't be empty anymore.

CATASTROPHE
I am but a walking catastrophe
Attempts always end in failure
Causing chaos, causing hurt, causing pain
Not only for myself but for all.
But then, you came into my life,
Granting a small spark of hope,
A spark that lit my world
And possibly ended all catastrophe.

PERSISTENCE
You say you're blind
Yet you see right through me
You say you're weird
Yet you seem the only sane person to me
No matter how much I try to say no,
Your persistence changes everything.
Must you persist on this and that?
Stop... I might forget to say no...

Heaven-Inspired

2011-05-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

Heaven-Inspired is a collection of poems about first love. Some of these have real-life stories behind them. Of course, I won't be mentioning which ones. :)

GLIMPSE
Our first was but a mere glimpse
I noticed your complexity
I was intrigued
You may not have noticed me
Yet it doesn't matter
For that was but the first,
the first moment granted by fate

CHERISH
I know not who you really are
I know only your name
Physical means doesn't matter though
For our paths have already crossed
And indeed...
You forever I will cherish

PENGUIN
We can't be more different
How I hate your eccentricity
Never before have I met such a guy like you
Yet different as we are
We can't be more similar
You and I ~ My Penguin-chan

EMO
Colors of red and black
Perhaps for some, these are but
Colors of pain, hurt and torture
But for us, for me, for you,
They are colors of passion.
Let us ignore the world
And remain entirely emo together. 

FOOLISH
Honestly, you can be quite foolish
Frowning is fine and all,
But it can't be an everyday thing.
Still, foolish as you are,
An annoyance you may sometimes be,
I don't really care
For in my heart, there is but you. 

APATHY
Empty... Simply empty.
People tell me I'm complex
But in truth, I can't be more simple.
There is but one thing I want
Nothing more but that one thing
LOVE - Love to fill my empty heart.
So, why don't you just tell me your name?
Then, maybe I won't be empty anymore.

CATASTROPHE
I am but a walking catastrophe
Attempts always end in failure
Causing chaos, causing hurt, causing pain
Not only for myself but for all.
But then, you came into my life,
Granting a small spark of hope,
A spark that lit my world
And possibly ended all catastrophe.

PERSISTENCE
You say you're blind
Yet you see right through me
You say you're weird
Yet you seem the only sane person to me
No matter how much I try to say no,
Your persistence changes everything.
Must you persist on this and that?
Stop... I might forget to say no...

A New Beginning (Again)

2011-05-30T06:05:00.001-07:00

I'm not entirely sure what it was that made me start a new blog.

Perhaps it was that book on writing I read - it said that it was essential for writers to have a site/blog, so as to easily connect with readers and vice versa. Or maybe it was the loss of a certain writing site that cost me quite a number of works. (I managed to save a few, thanks to back-up copies here in my computer. But ultimately, I still lost a couple of poems/stories.) Then again, it could have just been a mere whim.

Well, whatever it was, I certainly gave in to it, considering this site's now up and running.

Cheers to a new beginning (again)!

Hopefully, this site will last longer than its predecessors.

A New Beginning (Again)

2011-05-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

Hello world!

2011-05-30T04:49:00.001-07:00

Welcome to WordPress.com. After you read this, you should delete and write your own post, with a new title above. Or hit Add New on the left (of the admin dashboard) to start a fresh post.

Here are some suggestions for your first post.

You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.

Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting page you read on the web.

Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can alway preview any post or edit you before you share it to the world.

Hello world!

2011-05-30T04:49:00.000-07:00

You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.

Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting page you read on the web.

Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can alway preview any post or edit you before you share it to the world.

Occursus Forte - Meeting by Chance

2009-11-02T05:49:00.000-08:00

I was frozen on my place on the floor, terrified at what I had done. The Lion's Den was practically deserted now. Only the seemingly-indifferent bartender, the man and I were there.

The man had finally stopped screaming. He had fallen asleep on the cold floor. I could not imagine how he must have felt when my flames raged towards him. The impact most probably left him blind. Though I knew I would have suffered much if I did not act the way I did, I could not help but feel sorry for the man whose pain I had caused. Nobody, even those with the darkest of hearts, deserved deliberate pain and suffering...

The doors of the tavern creaked open and footsteps broke the silence of the old, rundown place. By instinct, I turned towards the direction of the young man who had just entered. With his platinum-blond hair and incredibly fair complexion, he appeared quite striking. His clothes - a long silver topcoat with blood red linings worn atop his plain black undershirt and loose pants - showed off his well-proportioned body as well as his immense physique. He carried a long silver spear adorned with red streaks in his right hand.

His brilliant sapphire blue eyes darted towards my direction. An uncomfortable feeling came upon me upon the meeting of our gazes. He did not turn away as he slowly approached.
Without a word, he offered me his hand and helped me stand up.

Now up on my feet, I remained silent as he continued staring at me with curiosity. I kept my eyes to the floor, keeping myself from staring at his flawless face. I would have lost myself in his mesmerizing gaze and apart from that, I would not want him to end up like the man who laid unconscious on the floor. Who knows what more gruesome deeds my hands were capable of...

"That girl miraculously managed to defend herself against Ol' Tantus and left him lying over there," suddenly said the bartender, still without leaving his spot behind the counter. Both the young man and I turned to him in surprise. He speaks? "Flamma Puella...Fire Maiden, that's what she is..."

"Flamma Puella, huh?" His velvet voice resounded in my ears, much like an irresistable charm. His soft chuckles that followed revealed his amuseness at the name the bartender had titled me with. "The entire city's in disarray with the things your regulars have been talking about. To put it in a gist, they said that a young witch came and set fire to Tantus' face when he tried something on her."

"She's no witch, believe me... But she is capable of extraordinary things..." said the bartender, jumping off the counter with an elegant leap. He removed his shabby-looking apron, carelessly tossed it on the counter and walked towards the young man's side. "You'd be best to take her somewhere safe. I'm off to buy supplies." Giving the young man's shoulder a quick pat, the bartender marched out of the tavern.

The young man turned to me with an apologetic smile. And what a smile it was... "Sorry about that. Conrad can be like sometimes, but he is a pretty nice guy. Anyway..." He extended his free hand towards me. "My name is Lionel. Welcome to Gaudium."

Lionel...Lion...
He whose courage burns as that of a lion's spirit..
It was too much of a coincidence.
It was meeting of chance, perhaps, but for me, it was truly a meeting of fate.

Occursus Forte - Meeting by Chance
-end-

Exustio - Conflagration

2009-11-01T20:08:00.000-08:00

The Lion's Den was an extremely run-down place. Its exterior appearance had gotten me thinking just how old the structure was. Getting inside and seeing its interior further reinforced my assumptions. The cracked floorboards... The chipped paint on the walls... The broken glass windows... The blinking light bulbs that dimly lit up the whole place... Everything was in poor condition. I could not imagine how this place could earn any regulars.

But apparently, quite contrary to my views, there were a lot of people present. No seat by the counter was left unoccupied and in addition, three tables were filled by men in eager conversation. Everyone inside the tavern had large muscular bodies. Majority of them wore sleeveless clothing, exposing their burly arms that were filled with a variety of tattoos. Some even went without shirts and quick glances allowed me to see their torsos, which were marked by scars and wounds.

Scars and wounds mark the bodies of a warrior... At least, this was what I thought. I felt as if I was getting closer and closer to accomplishing my mission. Surely, he must be here... He whose courage burns as that of a lion's spirit. My eyes wandered, scouting the entire scene. I was not sure how I would be able to tell who it exactly it was I was looking for but I was hoping for some sort of sign. There must be something that marks him different from all the rest.

"Hey!" I had gone too lost in my thoughts to even watch where I was going. By the time I realized my lack of alertness, it was too late. I had bumped into an incredibly intimidating man.

His bloodshot eyes met mine as he turned to face me. His large body came into full view as he glared at me, clearly angry at the disturbance I had caused him. I tried hard to remain calm but his overwhelming features had already succeeded in making my legs shake and shiver.

"I'm sorry..." The man seemed oblivious to my apologizes. He went on staring at me with his frightening gaze. I kept my ground, standing still as he lowered his face closer to mine. I held my breath against the foul stench of his. He reeked of alcohol and from that close range, it was clear to see that he was already intoxicated.

"A girl?" The drunk man gave out a horrid snort, followed by a series of boisterous laughter. "And a foreigner at that? Bah! Some place you picked to tour, girl! Bad move!" Then, he made a grab for my arm. I was too overwhelmed to move, let alone use any of my powers to defend myself. I managed to let out a scream but this seemed to have further amused the man who held me.

"No use yelling, girl... No one would dare stand against me. I am the strongest guy in this here turf!" With his massive strength and size, he was easily able to push me to the ground. Luckily, in the process, he released his hold on my arm, giving me enough momentum to cast a spell.

Moving as swiftly as I could, I placed my hands directly on top of his face and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Inflammatio!" Raging flames came bursting from my palms, hitting the intoxicated man's face and causing him to stagger down. His fall caused The Lion's Den to shake. His continuous cries of pain caused the people by the counter and the tables to quickly abandon their drinks and flee for the exit.

I was able to sit up. I was panting, a bit stunned after my first attempt at offensive magic. I stared at the man who now lay quivering on the floor, screaming in pain. I had caused this...

I had caused this...

Exustio - Conflagration
-end-

Se Astringo Fatum - To Commit to Fate

2009-10-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

Uneasiness – That was what I felt even two weeks after my first encounter with Pegasus. I was not the person I used to be. I was no longer the useless girl resented by her parents. I was now a person who had a purpose and a destiny but this very change was the reason for my growing uneasiness.

With my new powers, I had transformed myself to look as normal as possible. I clothed myself in a simple manner – a plain light blue blouse with long sleeves, black trousers and a pair of sandals. The clothes I was able to produce were common enough to help me blend in with crowds. After much discretion, I decided to keep my hair and face as they were. Nobody would be able to recognize me anyway…

I stood just a few meters away from the gates of Gaudium, which was known as the City of Bliss. I had headed for this place after pondering over the last words given by Pegasus. The winged horse – and my guardian – had temporarily returned to its place in the stars but I was promised that it would return come the proper moment in time.
"The place of promised happiness is not what it seems. There you must head out and search for he whose courage burns as that of a lion’s spirit. He is of a pure heart but his innocence is what makes him vulnerable to the fantasies of bliss. Beware, beloved, for you too might be tempted to its illusions."
Gaudium, the City of Bliss, certainly would fit Pegasus’ words. I was certain that this was the place of promised happiness, but uneasiness paved the way for my hesitation. My first mission seemed clear enough – I was to search for the man whose courage was so great and comparable to a lion’s spirit. But the warning of Pegasus was truly what got me worried. Just what did ‘tempted to its illusions’ mean?

I walked through the busy streets of Gaudium with caution and alert. I took note of every man I passed, wondering if the one I was searching for was one of them. He whose courage burns as that of a lion’s spirit… Just how was I supposed to look for a person like that? Goodness, Pegasus... Why are you making me do this? I was given not only an enigmatic warning but also a seemingly-impossible task. I may have felt powerful but whatever power I possessed seemed to prove useless in the situation I was currently facing.

I continued on walking and this time, I was already praying to whatever gods might exist in the world. Guide me towards this endeavor...Whatever outcome, I commit myself to whatever fate is waiting for me.

Then as if my prayers were truly heard, I stumbled upon an old tavern found in the farthest corner of the city. Nothing about it appeared extraordinary but it certainly drew my attention. My eyes could not help but dart towards the signboard hanging loosely by the tavern’s entrance. The words carelessly painted in white on the old wooden board were truly striking.
The Lion’s Den

Swallowing hard, I braced myself and prepared to enter. Once again, I called on the gods - Guide me towards this endeavor...Whatever outcome, I commit myself to whatever fate is waiting for me.
Yes, whatever fate…

Se Astringo Fatum - To Commit to Fate
-end-

Exordium - The Beginning

2009-10-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

It all began one ordinary evening - an evening that made the whole world seem calm and peaceful with its silence and solitude. I was out in the Viridis Fields, lying down with my back against the somewhat damp grass as I looked at the glistening stars above me. Stargazing was something I did every night but more than that, it was something I could not be without.

After another hour or so, I finally decided to head home. Silently promising the stars of my return, I slowly sat up, bracing myself for the long walk ahead of me. I sighed, not at all looking forward to what was waiting for me back home. I would rather stay in that open field all night, enjoying the company of the stars, than head home and return to my bitter reality.

"You are worthless. You will never amount to anything." Those cruel words rang inside my head over and over again. Such uneasiness I felt... It was as if I was being pushed down to the level of lowest of the low, the weakest of the weak and the poorest of the poor. Perhaps they were right in saying that I was worthless. The only future waiting for me was of a lonely, insignificant existence.

I started on walking towards the path, trying hard to hold back tears but unfortunately failing. My tearful eyes, along with the darkness unreached by the light of the moon and the stars, made it hard for me to see where I was going. I eventually fell, grazing my knees pretty badly.

Yes, truly worthless... Any faith I had left in myself slowly started to disintegrate, breaking my spirit from within bit-by-bit. I considered how wrong my existence in this world was. Suicide came into my mind as I thought about how I would fit in the next world. Will I be useless there as well?

"Fear not, kindred spirit, for you are not alone."
A deep, mystic voice echoed through the night as a bright, blazing flame came descending from above. I trembled at the sight and would have ran away if not for the weakness of my shaking legs. From the burning fire, the figure of a creature I thought existed only in myths emerged. It was a majestic winged horse, surrounded by a strong blazing fire.

The thought of a winged horse instantly made me turn towards the northern hemisphere where I knew the constellation of Pegasus was found. To my surprise, the bright stars of Pegasus were nowhere to be found. They had disappeared from their place in the sky.

"Look no further. I am here. No longer do I have to watch over you from the heavens for I have descended to guide you towards your destiny."
The winged horse, illuminated brightly by the flames it possessed, slowly made its way towards me. I felt terrified, shaking with so much fear, as it bent its head down, touching my grazed knees with its muzzle. I expected to feel the heat of its flames and the pain it meant, but I felt no such things. Instead, what came over me was unspeakable warmth, comforting and relieving me of even the injuries I got from my previous fall.

What was happening? Pegasus wrapped its long flaming wings around me. The warmth spread throughout my entire body, constantly increasing in intensity. The heat soon became too unbearable and I let out a sharp scream. Pegasus' echoing whispers assured me that everything was going to be fine as long as I endured that short moment of suffering. I had no choice but to believe in the assurances, having no point of escape in that enclosed chamber of flames.

When I was finally released, I was a different person. My short black hair had gotten longer and had turned blonde. My tattered clothes had transformed into an elegant ensemble of a blue top and a purple mini-skirt. But the most amazing transformation would probably be the feelings I felt inside. I no longer felt worthless. I felt powerful.

"Tonight you have been reborn. Venture out towards your destiny, beloved Reverie..."

That night was definitely not ordinary. It was the beginning of my path towards destiny.

Exordium - The Beginning
-end-